


If You Give a Ling a Lunch

by greekprincessia



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Edward Elric Swears, Except different, Gen, If You Give a Mouse a Muffin but with Ling, Like once but he still does, that's it that's the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-13 23:26:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14123118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greekprincessia/pseuds/greekprincessia
Summary: Ed writes a children's book on the consequences of feeding a rather annoying illegal immigrant/stalker/prince of Xing. Enough said.





	If You Give a Ling a Lunch

**If You Give a Ling a Lunch**

_A children's book by Edward Elric_

If you give a Ling a lunch, he'll tell you stories about his homeland.

If Ling tells you stories about his homeland, he'll expect you to give him the secret to immortality.

If he expects you to give him the secret to immortality, he'll sic his ninjas on you.

If he sics his ninjas on you, you'll end up becoming vitriolic buds with the guy.

If you become vitriolic buds with the guy, he'll stalk you back to your home.

If he stalks you back to your home, he'll expect you to give him another lunch.

If he expects you to give him another lunch, he'll send your room service bill sky high.

If he sends your room service bill sky high, he'll have to repay you.

If Ling has to repay you, he'll aid you in hunting down a Homonculus.

If he aids you in hunting down a Homunculus, you'll both be eaten.

If you're both eaten, you'll have to eat leather boot.

If you have to eat leather boot, you'll end up meeting a palm tree...for some reason or another.

If you end up meeting a palm tree, that palm tree will turn into a total abomination.

If that palm tree turns into a total abomination, you'll all end up in the lair of that palm tree's father.

If you all end up in that palm tree's lair, Ling will be turned into a total asshole.

Moral of the story, kiddies: Don't feed illegal immigrants lunch. They'll lose their  _souls._

* * *

_Alphonse closed the hardback book with a tsk of his nonexistent tongue. "They're not going to publish this, Brother."_

_Edward shot him an indignant look. "Maybe not in Xing, but Amestrian kids love messed up stories like this!"_


End file.
